"It’s come to this. A pen and paper a loaded gun i can’t live on another day with everything that i’ve done. God can’t even save my soul, This life i live is barley living. hollow man i have no feelings burn in fires down below, its just what i deserve cause i am evil and despicable. One shot ready to let go i put my finger on the trigger. Life? i want mine to be over."
- Revolver: How has Kenadee taken his death?
- Jolie Lucker: Hard. She understands, though. She actually goes to a Christian school. I've never been religious — she goes to a private school because of the quality of education — but she's learning about God, Heaven, and all of that. The day he passed away, I sat with her teacher and we took her into the chapel. I wasn't stable. I couldn't even comprehend what happened. My emotions were making her pissed. She was so mad, but she got it. She'd tell me, "Daddy died in a motorcycle accident. Are you going to keep crying?" It's rough. She's used to him being on tour, but once it hits the six-month mark, I think she'll understand. Right now, he could be on tour and coming back. It's killing me inside, but I swear to God he does shit around our house. He used to catch bugs for her all the time and put them in jars. They would go bug hunting and get spiders, snails, and butterflies and put them in mason jars. He would pop holes in the top. We woke up this morning, and we had just moved into this new house two days ago, everything is fucking scrambled. I had this vase sitting next to the front door. She goes, "Oh my God, mommy! There's a moth in here!" The vase is really tiny at the top — it couldn't have gotten in there in any other way. I swear to God he did that. He's doing stuff like that for her just so she knows that daddy is still here. She thinks the stars are him. She thinks the brightest star is him. We'll go outside and say goodnight. One of our best friend's husband is deaf, so we know sign language. So we'll do the hand sign for "I love you" a lot up at the stars. She'll look up while we're driving and start doing that hand sign for "I love you," and sometimes at night, she'll say, "I love you, daddy. When is daddy coming home from Heaven?" She gets really angry about it. It's heartbreaking.
girl, if you only could see yourself the way I do.. you are worth so much more than you think you are. And you must know I care. please dont forget that <3 Love, me.
Oh sweetie who are you? I will probably never happen, I will never see myself the way as others see me, but thank you hun